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can you ever really understand a situation until you've been through similar?

the times in my life where i've endured the most pain have often been associated with my relationships and their endings. when someone ends things with us, we often feel rejected. betrayed. heartbroken. we can't believe the things they do to us - whether it be moving on within a week of you ending, blocking you on all forms of social media, leaving you when you're mentally not okay, or getting with someone you always worried about.

all of their behaviour, you perceive, is a reflection of their character, of their feelings and respect towards you. but what we often fail to consider is what that person is feeling. would you want someone to stay with you when they really didn't want to? can you force someone to have feelings for you? and can that person control who they are attracted to?

the most painful break ups i've experienced, i have come to understand. come to forgive. and come to have compassion for my ex. and all of that was only achieved when i, in essence, did to others what i had done to me.

because the reality is this; people don't do things to you, they do things for themselves. people want happiness and they want to avoid suffering. can we really blame others for choosing what makes them happy? are they really causing us pain or is it our attachment to them and expectations of them that are causing us to suffer?

so if you believe someone, an ex, a boss, a coach, to have 'wronged' you - consider what they might be going through. consider the context of their decision. consider their feelings. because chances are, their behaviour is completely independent of you and entirely dependent on their happiness.

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