SOMETIMES A WILLINGNESS IS NOT ENOUGH
a few weeks ago, a situation came up between my partner and me. my partner was trying to explain her perspective and her reasoning, but no matter how much i wanted to understand, i just couldn't.
in retrospect, i suspect my inability to understand and to empathise was hindered by a fog of pain. i was able to rationalise her perspective, but i wasn't able feel her perspective. my head understood, but my heart did not. my heart was hurting.
in the moments of silence between our conversations, i found myself continuing to reflect on this situation. why can't i let this go? why does it bother me so much? but these questions were often answered with reaction and defensiveness; i was trying to justify my hurt. i wasn't able to see past my pain, no matter how much i wanted to. so how did i get past that block?
from a different situation. my mum received a message from someone she hadn't heard from in a while and i saw how much it meant to her. in that moment, i was able to see what my partner was trying to communicate; i finally understood her perspective. would i have been able to understand if i hadn't see this reaction from my mum? probably not. because i had a block with my partner; i couldn't see past my pain - no matter how much i wanted to. and sometimes, that's life. sometimes no matter how much you want something, you need something else, something not within your control, in order to achieve your desired outcome.
i've written about this with regards to hard work - often we need more than just hard work to achieve our goals; we need luck and an opportunity. in this situation, i needed more than just a willingness to understand. i needed a comparable situation; an opportunity. and i was given that. but i also had the openness and willingness which when combined with the opportunity allowed me to achieve the desired outcome; to understand.
sometimes just having the willingness is not enough. sometimes we need an opportunity too. quite often though, these opportunities are not within your control - all you can control is your receptiveness to them when they finally present. so how are you being open to those opportunities within your own life? and how can these opportunities help you to understand something in other areas of your life in which you feel stuck?