WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN ANY SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP?
a willingness and commitment to resolving issues.
what i’m learning is that relationships are less about finding the perfect partner - the partner who ticks all of the boxes. the partner who shares the same values, interests, desires. the partner who meets all of your needs. you can have all of that, and still have a faltering relationship. relationships are about a commitment to working things out - to moving, to growing, to learning with and from one another.
humans aren’t perfect. so it’s unrealistic to expect our partner to be perfect or perfect for us. relationships are messy because humans are messy. we all have our quirks, our insecurities, our idiosyncrasies. the goal is not to find someone without these, the goal is to find someone and not only see them for all of this, but also accept them for it too.
so perhaps the most important questions to ask of a relationship are not do they love me, but are they willing to grow with me? to resolve issues with me? to listen? are they open? do they acknowledge hurt when they hurt us? will they accept their wrongdoings when they are wrong? do they then commit to minimising these behaviours? and how are they when they are mad?
loving someone doesn’t mean you overlook their flaws - loving someone means you accept them despite their flaws. and it’s about being in reality - about acknowledging the imperfection of yourself, your partner, and your relationship. “we come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.”