Have you ever found that no matter how pure your intentions seem, people still react adversely to whatever it is you’re trying to explain? It could potentially have something to do with this concept of being negatively charged. So although consciously our intentions seem integral, subconsciously we have an ulterior motive; we are projecting childhood insecurities through a seemingly subtle, but obvious negative charge.
This post is in response to my most recent post titled Be yourself and be okay with it. I had an awakening discussion with one of my mentors who challenged my intentions for pursuing an authentic life and encouraging others to do the same. He admitted that his desires for pursuing an authentic life and coaching others to do the same stems from years of having to suppress his true self because of the religious environment in which he was raised. And then something clicked in me. My desire to live authentically, openly, and freely is charged by the years I have had to suppress my sexuality.
Whenever I meet a girl I am potentially interested in who claims to be private or who is not open about her sexuality, my heart contracts and a subconscious tension arises within me. Instead of feeling openness in my heart, I feel charged, constricted, heavy. My intentions are not pure, but I am unaware of this reality. On the surface, I believe that my encouragement to be open and free is logical, reasonable, and desirable. But that’s not how it is perceived or received. Subconsciously, my heart panics. My heart refuses to experience the suppression that caused so much suffering throughout my childhood. So although I appear to be tolerant of my partner’s desires, there’s a subtle resentment towards them because I feel they are forcing me to become something I fiercely oppose becoming again: suppressed.
I realise and admit that my former post was negatively charged. My desires for expressing authenticity and wanting the same for others was not simply because it’s liberating and I dislike living a private life, it’s because I have an aversion to suppression. And this aversion is fuelled with emotions. Negative emotions. Because of this, it instigates barriers within others and activates their defence mechanisms. Albeit what I’m saying might make perfect sense, it is the way in which I am saying it that causes this defiance and opposition. It is the charge that is associated with these words that hinder their receptiveness.
It is also easy to detect this charge in others. There are times when people will question your actions because of a genuine desire to understand and other times when your answer will be completely irrelevant. Although there is no verbal recipe for detecting the latter, it is invariably something you will feel. No matter the answer you give, their dissatisfaction and charge will persist. At that point, it might be best to acknowledge that whatever answer you provide is irrelevant and to proceed to another topic.
So any time you find yourself feeling passionately about a particularly topic and desiring that for others, yet it seems to be creating adverse reactions - question your intentions. Question what is fuelling that passion. Why do you feel so strongly about this topic? Is it because of a preference or an aversion? The latter being associated with a negative charge. Being able to detect this within yourself will not only eradicate the charge, but it will consequently create a space of acceptance for those who willingly prefer whatever it is you oppose. And it is in that space where understanding is discovered and love is experienced. It is in this space where intimate relationships are created.