is there ever a way for a relationship to end amicably?
but how you behave often determines how that person behaves.
so how do you end on good terms?
1. take ownership for your feelings. use "i feel" statements - “you” is a triggering word and immediately gets the individual on the defensive.
2. try to respond rather than react. when feelings are involved, emotions become heightened. and when feelings are hurt, our ego wants to protect, project, and fight. but acknowledging this, acknowledging that your feelings are hurt and that you need to step away to process what's going on, allows for those heightened emotions to subside. distance creates perspective.
3. state your reasoning for ending the relationship. remember, a lack of communication leaves too much room for the imagination. it's likely that the other individual might not be able to see / understand your reasoning at first; because their pain blinds them to what's rational. but once the pain lessens, your reasoning can aid in their ability to move on and move on amicably.
4. when stating your reasoning, don't blame. acknowledge the differences in values, needs, and beliefs, and the incompatibility of getting them fulfilled. acknowledge that this isn't about you or them; it's about not being compatible for one another. respect them enough not to ask them to change for you but also respect yourself enough not to change for them.
5. let them go. don't blur those lines. don't confuse them with messages of “i miss you”. don't use them as emotional support until you find someone better. give them the space to grieve, and give yourself the space to grieve too. break ups are difficult, but they're often exacerbated by our inability to let go. we prolong the process because of the ease in which we're accessible through technology.
through all of this remember, this is someone you once, and probably still do, love. they are human, just like you. they are hurting, just like you. so choose compassion and understanding in all that you say and do. because how you leave will stick with them and it tells them everything about who you are as a person. so how are you choosing to leave?