• nicole calder

BREAK UPS

i believe break ups are one of the hardest things people go through in their lives. it might seem trivial, given how commonplace they are, but that doesn’t detract from the enormity of the pain that is endured.


not only must you grieve the loss of the person and the relationship, but you also grieve the future you had envisioned with this individual that is no longer. and sometimes that can be harder to fathom than grieving the memories of the past.


there’s also the loss of self - the loss of who you were with this person. there’s the adjustment from having this person on your mind for every decision - from what to eat, to what netflix show to watch - to then only thinking about yourself. all of a sudden, we becomes me.


and then comes the questioning - why? why did they end things? what is it about me? am i not good enough? what could i have done differently? why does this keep happening to me? and these questions will drive you insane if you let them, because often it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them and their change of heart.


what makes things even harder is the world we now live in. technology serves as a constant reminder of what you had and what is now no longer. every time you look at your phone, it’s a reminder that they aren’t messaging you. not because they can’t, but because they don’t want to. our accessibility only serves to prolong and heighten the heartbreak. so, what can you do?


disconnect from technology, but reconnect with friends. create new associations in the environments that were once associated with this person. and, as painful as it is, see this as an opportunity to rebuild you. who you are and what you want. because it’s from ashes that phoenixes rise.

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