• nicole calder

PEOPLE AREN'T AGAINST YOU, THEY'RE FOR THEMSELVES

Updated: Nov 15, 2021


read that again.


this is one of the most liberating phrases you will ever read.


often in life we tend to do two things - we tend to take things personally and we tend to make assumptions about others' lives. but the reality is, you will never fully understand anyone nor the reasoning behind their decisions. and especially not if one approaches the situation from a place of defensiveness and hurt.


i first came across this concept in 2012 when i read the art of happiness by the dalai lama. within these pages i realised that we as humans are all the same - we all have a heart, we all have a brain. and we all want the same two things - we all want happiness and we all want to avoid suffering. people's decisions then, are made to optimise their happiness and to minimise their suffering - they are NOT made to hurt you, nor to make your life more difficult.


so when someone's actions have upset you or hurt you, instead of projecting that pain onto them and questioning why they're doing this to you, approach it from a position of understanding - try to comprehend what might be going on in their life for them to be behaving the way they are.


rarely do people do things to hurt others - they do things to protect themselves. and when someone is struggling, which can sometimes result in isolating themselves or other self-sabotaging behaviours, they already feel shit. the last thing they need is to be made to feel worse for something they already feel.


so the next time you're upset by someone else's actions, try to remove yourself, your ego, and your hurt and instead try to accept, to understand, and to be compassionate.

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