for the past few months, i've devoted myself to training individuals to support others when they're struggling. but in particular, my focus has been on equipping individuals with skills to detect and support others who may be suicidal.
but as i sit here teaching this, i feel like a fraud. because late last year i had someone who was suicidal and i failed them. i saw the signs. i risk assessed. but i failed to do the most important thing - show up.
i was distracted. i had something, someone, new and exciting in my life and i failed to process the severity of the messages i was receiving. i was too caught up in myself that i let this person down. they needed someone, they needed me, and i wasn't there.
thankfully, this individual is still here today. and fortunately, they hold no resentment nor animosity towards me for failing them. but it still weighs heavily on my heart. especially because this is what i'm teaching, yet i failed when i was tested myself.
the reason for this post is not to seek sympathy nor to throw a pity party - i take responsibility for my actions or lack thereof and i share this because i too, am human. i too, am imperfect. and i too, will fail. despite all of my training, all of my experiences, in that moment i still failed. the challenge for me is to forgive myself. to forgive myself for being imperfectly human. and to use this as a lesson to never let someone down again.