• nicole calder

CHEATING

what does it mean to ‘cheat on someone’?


is it considered cheating to be attracted to someone else? to feel connected to someone else? to kiss someone else? what do you define as cheating? and is this your definition, or society’s?


can you control who you’re attracted to? who you feel connected to?


can we get all of our needs met from one person? if you think we can, why then do we have multiple friends? is it not because they each offer us something different? because we can’t get all of our emotional needs met from one person? why then do we think it’s possible to get all of our physical needs met from one person? is kissing someone who you feel attracted to really that wrong? or is it only perceived as wrong because of how society has conditioned us to view relationships and the behaviours within it?


humans are imperfect. humans are complex. but sometimes i think the rules we’ve created for our lives are too simplistic to follow - they set us up for failure. they set us up to be “bad people”.


i’ve been attracted to other girls whilst in relationships before. i’ve also thought about kissing them. and i’ve dreamt about having sex with them. i share this not to be judged, but to normalise what i suspect many of us experience as being human.


when your needs aren’t met in your relationship, which some of them won’t be, it’s only natural for your body and mind to seek that elsewhere. understanding your attraction to others is beautiful if you let it be - beautiful because it teaches you more about yourself and what is important to you.


so next time you feel attraction, become curious. what does this person possess that you’re so drawn to? having feelings doesn’t mean you need to act on them, but trying to suppress them will only strengthen them. allow what you feel to exist and exist without judgement.

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