• nicole calder

TRY HARDER OR LEAVE?

one of the hardest questions to ask yourself is do i try harder or do i leave?


and often that question isn't as straightforward as it seems. it's multifaceted, requiring context and some other, deeper more probing questions. questions like how long have you been trying to 'make things work' for? what's your threshold of happiness? meaning, what percentage of your days, your weeks, are you willing to feel unhappy, unfulfilled for? what needs do you have that aren't being met? have you communicated this to your partner, and how has your partner responded? do they get defensive, or do they proactively make an effort to change? are they willing to grow with you, or grow apart from you?


are you asking your partner to be someone they are incapable of being? to change them? to compromise their values and beliefs? what would happen if those needs of yours continued to be unmet by your partner - is that something you could live with? or would it consume you?


and what is your role in the demise of this relationship? how are you meeting their needs? how are you supporting them? are you taking responsibility where responsibility is due?


relationships and love aren't simple. they're complex. they're also not something we ever learn how to navigate. we're never taught how to communicate our needs, nor are we taught how to meet the needs of others. whenever i've been confronted with the aforementioned question, i ask myself what value is this relationship adding to my life and what is it costing me?


is there a sense of security in having a partner? absolutely. one of life's greatest feelings is to love and be loved in return. to feel wanted. but is that sense of security worth your inner peace? are you constantly fighting that which cannot be fulfilled by this person? is this relationship truly satiating your needs or leaving you deprived, disappointed, unheard?


so perhaps the two most important questions to ask yourself are: how do you want to be treated and how are you wanting to feel? use these answers to decide whether to stay or leave.

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