• nicole calder

TRUST PATTERNS

a few years ago, i wrote the following quote: "give me your words and i'll give you nothing. give me your actions and i'll give you my trust. show me consistency and i'll give you my heart."


this quote was inspired by the old age phrase, “actions speak louder than words.” i like to take it one step further though - i encourage people to trust patterns. patterns don't lie, but actions can. someone can be horrible 99% of the time, but do something nice in one moment. is this one action worthy of you giving them your heart?


in the same token, someone can be amazing 99% of the time and mess up once. does that one mistake really warrant dismissing the entire relationship and connection? or is it possible to understand that hey, this person is human and part of being human means they're guaranteed to make mistakes. as bob marley says, "everyone is going to hurt you, you just have to find those worth suffering for."


another important consideration is - does your partner make a conscious effort to change their behaviour? once you've addressed how something hurt you, do they alter their behaviour? or do they keep repeating these 'mistakes'? humans aren't perfect, so no relationship will ever be perfect either. what's important though is the commitment to growth - to resolving whatever it is that arises. to acknowledging hurt when hurt has occurred and taking responsibility for one's role in that. but, the growth comes from the change. and the best way to measure change? through their patterns.


so the next time someone does something really nice for you or the next time someone makes a mistake, ask yourself, is this a consistent occurrence? or is this a once off? find the pattern - past behaviour will invariably predict future behaviours. patterns don't lie, but words and actions can.

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