Updated: Nov 15, 2021
i've been reflecting recently on some of my behaviour with specific regards to relationships, new and old. and i've been struggling to accept some of my actions as they counter the values i hold near and dear.
i write and talk often about choosing love, compassion, and understanding. and i consciously try to do this. but sometimes i fail. sometimes i'm not very warm or understanding or compassionate. and it leaves me feeling conflicted - how could i have chosen to love better through this?
despite this reflection, i also acknowledge that i'm human. and invariably coldness ensues when i'm pushed to a point of a heightened emotional state. and nothing will do this more than when others do not and cannot respect the boundaries i have amicably requested.
as i've mentioned before, @brenebrown states that the most compassionate people are also the most boundaried people - the people who clearly state how they want to be treated and don't do things they don't want to do. but what can you do when someone clearly ignores those boundaries? when someone isn't treating you how you've asked to be treated? is it possible to still remain compassionate when a compassionate and understanding approach has only led to this, a complete dismissal and disregard of personal boundaries?
i will always check myself and my behaviour, especially if i act contrary to the way in which i want to live my life. but at times, the humanness in me takes over. i become cold, short, harsh. and i don't do so out of hate, but out of frustration. frustration for not being heard. for feeling disrespected. so the next time someone acts coldly towards you, perhaps check yourself. are you respecting their boundaries? are you treating them how they've asked to be treated? because if you aren't, their behaviour becomes a consequence of your actions.
do you want someone to talk to you out of obligation, or do you want someone to talk to you out of desire? because the former will result in resentment and the latter in love. when you respect others' boundaries, you'll experience more love.