• nicole calder

DO WHAT YOU WANT

because why would you want to do something you didn't want to do?


i suspect for many people there's a significant amount of resistance that arises within them upon reading that statement. i often hear things like, "but it's not that easy!" or "sometimes in life you have to do things you don't want to do." but i want to challenge that belief: why do we need to do things we don't want to do?


Brené Brown gives a fantastic talk on how the most compassionate people are also the most boundaried people. what she means by this is that these are people that say no to doing anything they don't want to do. and it makes sense. when you do something you don't want to do, you're entering the situation from a negative perspective, from a place of resentment, dislike. and the person who has asked you to do this thing has no idea you're feeling this way - they assume you want to do it, because again, why would you do something you didn't want to do?


people often argue it's to make another person happy. but does it really? would you want someone to stay with you who really didn't like you? would you want to stay with someone who you really didn't want to be with? why do we glorify suffering as though it's a noble, normal quality? what if we instead, valued our happiness over social norms and niceties? where then might we be?


doing things you don't want to do is also fake. it's misleading. this is often why i've said being selfish is the most selfless thing you can do - when you only do what you want, you're filled with nothing but love, joy, and kindness. but when you do things you don't want to do, there's a negativity about it and bitterness and resentment often ensue. so the next time these latter feelings arise within you, check yourself. are you really doing what you want to do? and if the answer is no, what do you want to do? and how can you go about making this happen?


*i'm a full supporter of doing what you want so long as doing so doesn't take away someone's freedom nor causes them pain.

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