SUICIDES

there’s been quite a few recently. and i think what’s so upsetting about them is knowing how much pain these individuals were in to believe the only way to end their suffering, was to take their life. and that’s heartbreaking. it’s heartbreaking to know there are people out there, right now, suffering. and worse? they’re suffering alone.

what breaks my heart as well, is that i believe life can get better. it can get better when you’re surrounded by the right people. and i know this, because it did for me. i was at that point five years ago - i saw nothing but darkness. and when i think about how close i was to ending everything, it makes me so sad. i wasn’t finished. i still had so much to offer. as did all of these individuals, but they aren’t here to know that nor will they ever be.

as heavy as these deaths are, it’s validated my desire to devote my life to bettering others’ lives. to connecting. to making people feel less alone. i think one of life’s greatest tragedies is that we spend so much time focusing on shit that really doesn’t matter, instead, we could be spending time focusing on each other. on the things that make us human. the things that add value and serve. the things that could quite literally save lives.

so the next time someone is feeling sad or carrying something heavy, i challenge you to sit with them in that uncomfortableness. even if you don’t know what to say, just sit. just listen. just be there. we all have shit weighing us down, and it weighs on us heavier when we carry it ourselves. share the load. spread the love. save some lives.

WHAT'S YOUR WHY?

on a daily basis i’m reminded of the pain that exists in this world. and it’s a pain that pains me. because often these people aren’t just suffering, they’re suffering alone.

the most beautiful connections i’ve had with people have been when they’ve expressed something i can see they’ve been holding onto for a long time. something painful. something scary. something shameful. and in that moment, i offer them three things: non-reaction. non-judgement. and my presence. all of which contribute to making these individuals feel safe. seen. heard. human.

and that, that is my why: to present myself as humanly human in order to make others feel less alone. to validate. to reassure. to let people know they don’t need to do more, they just need to be more. be themselves, their imperfectly perfect selves. to feel what they feel. and to feel it without judgment.

i suspect my life will be devoted to executing this vision - the vision that i can help others create environments in which individuals whom are struggling feel safe to express their troubles. a place where people finally feel okay. a place where they realise, they’re just human. and all humans suffer. but we don’t have to suffer alone.

love, through the form of safety, that’s the solution this world needs.

KNOW YOUR VALUE

i’ve realised over the years that a lot of organisations and sporting teams care more about the role you fill than they do about your development. lip service is easy - people are becoming very good at telling you exactly what you want to hear, so how can you discern what’s real and what’s bullshit?

notice their sales pitch. are they talking about how well you’ll fit in with the team? how much you can help develop the organisation? what YOU can do for THEM? or are they focusing on your development and how THEY can help YOU? because if the latter doesn’t exist, they’re not interested in you as a person, only the role you can fill.

not only have i been overlooked for my playing abilities over the years, but i’ve felt i’ve been overlooked for my leadership abilities, too. salisbury inter, and specifically the head coach there, targeted me in 2018 with the specific intentions of a mutually beneficial relationship. she spoke about the culture and professionalism i could bring to the club, but more importantly, she spoke about how she could develop me as a player and as a person.

the first thing this coach gave me was not a starting position, it was trust. and along with the trust, she gave me opportunities. she gave me a platform in which i could lead without question. she wholeheartedly valued me as a leader first, player second. and for the first time in as long as i can remember, i felt seen and valued as more than just a player. i felt seen and valued as a human.

not every coach, nor every boss, is going to be the one for you. the old mantra of “sticking it out” isn’t constructive. if you’re not valued, and you’ll know when you’re not, find someone, find somewhere who knows your worth. because when you do, you’ll never question your value again.