BEFORE YOU CALL THEM CRAZY...

try to understand. behind every insecurity is a need that hasn’t been met. a desire that went unfulfilled. and a belief that has become distorted.

all humans want is to love and be loved. but sometimes when individuals have been hurt, been rejected, they internalise that as there must be something wrong with them. this belief system carries on into future relationships - to the point where they try to sabotage something good because deep down they don’t believe they’re worthy of being loved. because at one point, that’s how they were made to feel.

but they are worthy. you are worthy. we’ve all done some fucked up things when our needs weren’t being met - that doesn’t make us any less deserving of the basic human desire to love and be loved. and sometimes all it takes is a person - someone who makes us feel safe, someone who is willing to sit with us through the shit, sit with us through our “craziness”, to help us realise, oh...maybe i am deserving of love. maybe i don’t need to sabotage this. maybe, just maybe, i’m not so crazy after all. because the truth is - no one is. and you’re no exception. you’re just a human who hasn’t had their needs met. and there’s nothing wrong with that.

so before you call someone crazy, listen to what they’re saying. try to hear what needs haven’t been met in the past and offer them a safe place in which their distorted beliefs cannot survive. because it’s within this safety that people heal. that people connect. that people love. and that? that’s what we’re all here for after all.

WHAT MAKES A STRONG CULTURE?

safety.

a strong culture is epitomised by the level in which individuals feel they can be themselves and aren't just accepted for that, but embraced for that. it's within this acceptance, this embrace, that people feel valued. feel a part of something bigger than themselves.

when i think about the two environments i am currently involved with, there are a few indicators that highlight the strength of the culture. the first is the acknowledgement of all individuals upon arrival. i remember reading in Hugh Mackay's "The Art of Belonging", the importance of saying hello to your neighbour when you see them. it's less about the interaction and more about saying, "Hey, I see you. You're a human and I acknowledge your existence."

another indicator is the distance in which individuals are willing to drive to be a part of that environment. when i tell people i play for salisbury inter i'm often greeted with, "but that's so far away! why them?" and my answer? because i feel valued. and when you feel valued in an environment, no distance seems too great.

how is conflict resolved on your team? is it addressed, or is it ignored? how do people communicate with one another? do they attack and become defensive? or do they take ownership for their feelings? do people feel safe to express their opinions? or are they silent because of fear? are players berated for mistakes, or encouraged for their efforts? what happens in moments of stress - the ultimate test of a team's culture - do players ask for help? or do they blame?

when people ask what makes a strong culture, it's probably less about what people do and more about how they feel. i can't guarantee that if another club implemented these few examples that their culture would be magically transformed - these behaviours are a by-product of the feeling. the feeling of safety and connection.

so when it comes to a team's culture, instead of focusing on changing behaviours, implementing rules, or 'stress tests' - what if you instead focused on creating this feeling of safety? on prioritising relationships over all else? only then might some of the aforementioned behaviours start to evolve.

TECHNOLOGY DETOX

fitting title given the past few months that i've stepped away from social media and made a conscious effort to significantly reduce my screen time usage. within this time, my mind was free to run rampant. these journal entries are a product of a free, undistracted mind. if you recall in a former post / journal entry, i asked the question: what would you think about if your mind could think about anything? if your mind wasn't fixated on a person, on work, on a situation, on family? what then, would your mind concoct?

and i suppose these journal entries answer that question. these are unedited thoughts and insights into the workings of my mind - this is what my mind came up with when it wasn't distracted by text messages. when it wasn't obsessing over my next post. of what photo to go with what writing. of what time to post to get the most people reading my writing.

so if you've never done so, i highly recommend a technology detox. social media takes up a lot of our mental capacity without our conscious awareness. as do our phones. but when we disengage, when we leave our phones at home, it's truly amazing to see how much richer, deeper, and fulfilling not just our thoughts become, but our resulting relationships too.