FULL CIRCLE MOMENTS

can you ever really understand a situation until you've been through similar?

the times in my life where i've endured the most pain have often been associated with my relationships and their endings. when someone ends things with us, we often feel rejected. betrayed. heartbroken. we can't believe the things they do to us - whether it be moving on within a week of you ending, blocking you on all forms of social media, leaving you when you're mentally not okay, or getting with someone you always worried about.

all of their behaviour, you perceive, is a reflection of their character, of their feelings and respect towards you. but what we often fail to consider is what that person is feeling. would you want someone to stay with you when they really didn't want to? can you force someone to have feelings for you? and can that person control who they are attracted to?

the most painful break ups i've experienced, i have come to understand. come to forgive. and come to have compassion for my ex. and all of that was only achieved when i, in essence, did to others what i had done to me.

because the reality is this; people don't do things to you, they do things for themselves. people want happiness and they want to avoid suffering. can we really blame others for choosing what makes them happy? are they really causing us pain or is it our attachment to them and expectations of them that are causing us to suffer?

so if you believe someone, an ex, a boss, a coach, to have 'wronged' you - consider what they might be going through. consider the context of their decision. consider their feelings. because chances are, their behaviour is completely independent of you and entirely dependent on their happiness.

WHAT IS THE UNIVERSE ASKING OF ME?

"the teacher will present itself when the student is ready."

life can be challenging. but challenges serve to help us grow. the more pain we experience, the more growth we have to endure.

recently i've been asking myself the aforementioned question - what is the universe asking of me in this moment? or alternatively, what lesson am i still to learn from this experience? abraham hicks states that every experience either fulfills a desire, or it enhances a desire. so any time you experience something adverse, it's really strengthening a desire to experience the opposite.

for example, if you're in a relationship and you're not feeling heard or seen, as frustrating as that can be, it can strengthen your desire to find someone who does hear you. see you. and support you. what pains us is often what is important to us. the first question i then ask is, where can i adjust? can i change the way i'm viewing this? can i let go of this desire or does letting go compromise who i am and what i believe?

i'm finding that within my desire to understand others and their behaviours, i can sometimes be too accepting of behaviour that is really not serving to myself or them. and perhaps there's a lesson to learn in this naivety - to be compassionate, but discerning. we teach others how to treat us through what we reinforce and what we punish so if someone isn't treating you the way you want to be treated, what role have you played in their behaviour?

the next time you experience something adverse, remember that pain signals room for growth. ask yourself: what's the lesson and where can i adjust? what desire is this either fulfilling or enhancing?

BEING YOURSELF

have you ever wondered why your relationships or friendships don't seem fulfilling? have you ever felt like you weren't being heard or seen? have you ever stopped to ask yourself if it's really you or an idea of you that you're presenting to these individuals?

part of being human means we have a desire to conform, a desire to 'fit in'. we're social creatures; we need other people. but at what cost are you willing to merely 'fit in'? what parts of you are you sacrificing for these relationships?

in order to be accepted for who you are, you must first have the courage to be yourself. is there a chance of rejection? yes! is there is a chance of judgement? absolutely! but there's also a chance to form a beautiful, authentic connection.

when you choose to be the rawest and realest version of yourself, you give others a choice - a choice to either embrace you, or distance themselves from you. and what you'll find is you'll stop wasting time with people who don't accept you. who don't see you. who don't embrace you for you.

for most of my life i've been told i'm too much. too intense. that all i want to do is talk about feelings. and for a few years i tried to censor myself; i tried to be less. but it was miserable. it wasn't until i chose to be myself, as deep and intense as i sometimes can be, that i started to find my people. that i started to not just be accepted for who i was, but embraced for it.

and now? i'm surrounded by these people. and i'm surrounded only because i took the time to figure out what makes me, me. and then i chose, with unwavering commitment, to be that person regardless of the consequences. knowing yourself, and i mean deeply knowing yourself, allows you the confidence and security to be yourself in any situation. and it's only then will you find 'your people'.

so, what makes you, you? and how can you live truest to this person that you are?