ANGER IS OUR GATEWAY

we often perceive anger as being a negative emotion or an undesirable attribute, but what if anger is actually what defines us?

in one of the school of life books that i read last year was a question that the author posed as being a necessity for getting to know who someone really is - who are you when you're mad? albeit a fantastic question, i take this question one step further - what makes you mad?

we attribute anger and madness as being the worst parts of ourselves, but what if they're our gateway into ourselves? i believe anger fuels us. it motivates us. it highlights what we deem to be important, it shows us what we value.

over the past few years there have been a few situations that have infuriated me, many of which have been associated with money. but it's not the money that lies at the root of the anger; it's fairness. as complex as humans may be, there are a few things that aren't so complex about us - like our need for fairness. or our need to feel valued.

in a world where comparison is readily accessible and often unavoidable, learning of others' treatment can often be a disservice. humans opt for the path of the least resistance. so when someone has to continually fight for their worth, for their value, i can guarantee their fight won't last long.

because although anger is a fuel to catalyse change, there's only so much fuel you can put on a fire before that person realises the fire will never be self-sufficient; that their value will never be actualised.

so the next time you're angry, don't suppress your anger. become curious. determine the root cause of the anger and use that as motivation to either change the situation, or prevent that situation from occuring with others. become the person you wish you had. and the next time you see that someone's angry? listen to their anger - listen beyond the words. listen to the values they're communicating. listen to the root of the problem. only then can you truly rectify the problem.

how do you not compare?

how do you not compare?

in a world dominated by individualism

selfishness becomes a virtue

necessary to succeed.

what you don't know,

can't hurt.

but how do you escape

the infiltration of information?

knowledge is no longer power,

but fuel.

fuel for anger,

for dissatisfaction,

for envy.

humans are complex

but a few things remain true -

like our need for fairness,

and our need for value.

but the reality is,

the world rewards the loud

the selfish

the demanding.

while punishing the loyal

the hard working

the compassionate.

what incentive is there

to continue being 'good'?

when being good means

one must go without.

go without payment

go without recognition

go without value.

so the questions remain:

how can you remain sane,

in a world so insane?

how can you remain healthy,

in a world so sick?

how can you remain optimistic,

in a world so cruel?

a world that values things over people

a world that rewards 'me' over 'we'

a world driven to divide rather than unite.

what hope is there?

and where do we go from here?

THE PAIN OF BEING MISUNDERSTOOD

when i was a kid, i always felt like there was something wrong with me. aside from my sexuality, i seemed to care about things many others didn't. i had no interest in boys (or girls for that matter). no interest in partying. no interest in small talk. no interest in imaginary play. i cared about what was real. i cared about feelings. i cared about people's stories. i believed, and still believe, that you can get almost anyone to open up to you if you ask the right questions.

and that's something i did. and still do. i ask questions. hard questions. i ask because i'm not afraid of the answer. i ask to challenge; to assist others in considering things from an alternate perspective. but this sort of probing can be confrontational. it can be threatening to people who aren't ready to be questioned. people take it as a threat to their identity, to their character rather than welcoming it as an opportunity for growth and self-reflection.

and often, that's what people have misperceived me as: a threat. instead of being viewed as someone with a curious mind seeking to understand, i've often been labelled as judgemental, preachy, and too deep/emotional. my sports psychologist in the states introduced me to the concept of a walking mirror - someone who, unintentionally by the way they live their life, holds a mirror up to others which highlights their inadequacies, their insecurities. and instead of people reflecting on these feelings, they project their defensiveness onto the person holding the mirror. the person who has done nothing other than be themselves.

this is what i have experienced on more than one occasion. i have been the target for hatred, for betrayal, for nastiness. i have had rumours started and spread about me that have destroyed relationships. i have had many things said about me that completely contradict the person that i am and the person i try to be. and that hurts. it hurts when the things we pride ourselves the most on, on being understanding and compassionate, are used against you. and as much as i consciously know and reason that this is a reflection of others rather than me, i can't deny the pain still hurts. and i can't deny it feels invalidating of the person i am.

so the next time you dislike someone - ask yourself why. what is it about that person you dislike? what feelings are they bringing up within you? what we dislike about others is usually highlighting a deficiency within ourselves - identify that. admit that. get curious about that. all hatred stems from jealousy and all jealousy stems from insecurity. so, what are you feeling insecure about?