I'M ADDICTED TO MY PHONE

this might not be a revelation to anyone else, but i feel it's important for me to acknowledge it. at the end of every week, my iphone gives me a summary of my average screen time - and it's both disgusting and embarrassing.

there have been times where my average screen time has been over 4.5 hours. 4.5 hours?! that's insane. if i was asked in the morning where i was going to find 4.5 hours to sit on my phone, i couldn't answer the question. the reality is, this accumulation of time is not one big chunk - they're isolated periods, usually when we're supposed to be doing something else; driving, working, watching tv, or engaging in conversation.

a few weeks ago i asked myself how i could become more present in my relationships. and the answer was simple: less phone, more connection. since then, i have turned off notifications to my social media apps, i've set time restrictions on those same apps, and i leave my phone in the kitchen overnight.

having analysed my data since implementing these changes, it's highlighted that messages occupy the majority of my screen time. and it's for that reason i am experimenting, again, on myself and my life. i am now no longer using text messages for conversational purposes. if i need something, i'll call. if i want to respond to your message, i'll call. or, better yet, i'll organise a time for us to catch up and chat. so please don't take it personally when i don't reply - i'm trying to add more value to my life. to replace the dopamine i've become addicted to with oxytocin - the chemical necessary for connection.

i'm not perfect and i don't anticipate my implementation of this will run perfectly either. but the point is, i know our lives were not meant to be lived through a screen and unless we make conscious changes to override the addiction we have to our cellular device, we're going to continue missing life and being chronically distracted. i want to be more present. more aware. and more connected to what matters most - people.

WHAT WOULD YOU THINK ABOUT...

if your mind was free to think about anything?

often in life we become fixated - on people, on things, on situations that it ends up consuming our mental capacity. what would happen if you let go of those things? what then would fill your mind?

i've been thinking about this a lot recently as i've found that the minute i let go of thinking about a specific person or situation, of distracting myself with my phone, my brain is free to roam and it comes up with some pretty insightful shit.

when we fixate on certain ideas or people, we're taking away from the natural flow of the universe. we're trying to control what can't be controlled. predict what can't be predicted. and so long as we keep doing this, we will continue to suffer. no suffering occurs when you let go. how can it? there's no attachment, no expectations, nothing but what is.

on a similar note, i've also been thinking about this idea of guilt and pain, specifically chronic pain and how that usually exists from stored memories/trauma. how long are people going to carry this for? how long do they need to say goodbye to this guilt? to let go? are you going to spend the rest of your life carrying this feeling, allowing it to tarnish every experience in the future? and for what? because you think you deserve to be punished? punished for a mistake you made years ago or for something that you actually had no control over? i don't think life is meant to be lived like that. guilt is not there to be carried throughout your life. that's why forgiveness is so powerful - it's liberating.

so my question to anyone carrying this guilt or suffering from a chronic ailment is - what would it feel like to be free of this feeling? what might you feel if you weren't so stuck on your guilt, on your pain? where would your mind go? who would you become?

ACHIEVEMENTS LOOK GOOD ON YOUR RÉSUMÉ, CONNECTIONS LOOK BETTER ON YOUR EULOGY

a few weeks ago, the team i play soccer for lost in the preliminary final. we were favourites, yet we were defeated. so naturally, one might ask what happened.

conventional western society will look for every reason they can to explain the defeat. fingers will be pointed at coaches, players, and the culture but the truth is, it’s no one’s fault.

in any game that involves two teams in a finals series, there’s a 50% chance you’ll win, and a 50% chance you’ll lose. this fact is often forgotten because humans like to be in control. we like to feel we can predict the future. that’s why we bet on games, because it gives us this sense of control. but no matter what we do, we can never predict how any game, event, or how life in general is going to play out.

this feeling of control is exacerbated by the fact that we live in a world that glorifies achievements. a world that values winning above all else. we think that success can be emulated - that there’s a formula to “winning a championship”. but this is an illusion. you can’t emulate success because you can’t predict the future. there are things you can do that increase your likelihood of succeeding, but at the end of the day, you still only have a 50% chance of winning.

admittedly, i wasn’t distraught having lost in the preliminary final. i’ll give credit where credit is due - our opposition were the better team on the day. no one is to blame. nor is that the most important thing. in 20 year’s time, are any of us going to be looking back on that game thinking, “oh man, salisbury inter really should have won that! how different my life would have been if they did!” they won’t be saying that because winning isn’t what matters most.

achievements look good on your résumé, but it’s the connections that look better on your eulogy. it’s the connections and friendships you made along the way - the experiences you shared with those alongside you - that? that’s what you’ll remember in 20 year’s time.

so instead of trying to emulate success, what if we tried to emulate better connections? stronger friendships? what if, instead of focusing