WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN ANY SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP?

a willingness and commitment to resolving issues.

what i’m learning is that relationships are less about finding the perfect partner - the partner who ticks all of the boxes. the partner who shares the same values, interests, desires. the partner who meets all of your needs. you can have all of that, and still have a faltering relationship. relationships are about a commitment to working things out - to moving, to growing, to learning with and from one another.

humans aren’t perfect. so it’s unrealistic to expect our partner to be perfect or perfect for us. relationships are messy because humans are messy. we all have our quirks, our insecurities, our idiosyncrasies. the goal is not to find someone without these, the goal is to find someone and not only see them for all of this, but also accept them for it too.

so perhaps the most important questions to ask of a relationship are not do they love me, but are they willing to grow with me? to resolve issues with me? to listen? are they open? do they acknowledge hurt when they hurt us? will they accept their wrongdoings when they are wrong? do they then commit to minimising these behaviours? and how are they when they are mad?

loving someone doesn’t mean you overlook their flaws - loving someone means you accept them despite their flaws. and it’s about being in reality - about acknowledging the imperfection of yourself, your partner, and your relationship. “we come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.”

THE CONTRAST NECESSARY IN GENUINE APPRECIATION

"you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone." why is it that we need to lose something to appreciate it? and can we ever truly appreciate that which we have not been without?

what i'm discussing here are not materialistic items. what i'm talking about are things like support, connection, kindness.

if you've always felt supported, do you really appreciate your friends when they support your work? your games? or is it something that's a given and you don't actually notice their support?

if every time you've asked for help, it's been answered with a willingness to assist, can you truly appreciate what you're being offered?

if you've never had your heartbroken, can you ever really appreciate the love you're experiencing?

i find myself being overwhelmed at times with a sense of gratitude towards others in my life. whether it's the friends that support me in my ventures, partners that sit with me in my darkness, or individuals that attend my games. and i find myself being grateful because i know what it feels like to be without. to feel unsupported. to feel rejected. to be alone. to stare into crowds not recognising a familiar face. and those feelings of hurt and pain are what allow me to truly appreciate and experience the joy and gratitude that i do.

if someone has never known darkness, the dull light of a candle will go unnoticed. but for someone who has only known darkness, that candle will be the brightest light they have ever seen. and it's within pain and suffering that the most beautiful of souls have emerged. the souls with an appreciation not just for life, but for others as well. and it's these individuals in which i choose to associate.

WE DON'T NEED MORE PSYCHOLOGISTS

well, we do. but that's not the solution.

the reality is, we're always going to need more psychologists. just like we're always going to need more doctors - there's a growing demand to treat both the physical and mental health of individuals throughout the world. but training more psychologists isn't the solution, we need to train more people. people like you and me.

what would happen if every time you cut your finger you needed to see a doctor? or every time you had a headache, you went to see a doctor? you would never be able to see a doctor because doctors would be inundated. fortunately we don't need to see a doctor for every physical ailment we encounter - we have tools and resources to be able to treat many of them on our own or with the assistance of friends / family. but what about our mental health? can the same be said for our mental and emotional ailments? judging by the high demand for psychologists, it would appear the answer is no.

what we need then, is better training. we need every day humans to be better educated. better skilled. better equipped to handle the mental stressors of their friends, family, coworkers. and this is what i'm wanting to do. i want to train other adults on how to listen, how to respond, how to manage crises. i want to train people to have difficult conversations. to equip them with skills to navigate what an individual needs. to help those individuals feel seen, heard, validated.

one of the saddest things i found volunteering as a crisis counsellor was that individuals needed to text a crisis text line just to have someone to talk to. someone to listen. are we really doing that poorly of a job to our fellow peers that they need a crisis text line to get the validation they seek? the solution here isn't more counsellors, the solution is better equipped humans.

if you’re interested in becoming one of these humans, shoot me a message. i’d love for you to be a part of this training. and together, we can learn to take better care of one another.