CONFLICT PREVENTS DRAMA

conflict is both healthy and necessary, drama is not. but drama ensues when conflict is avoided.

patrick lencioni states that a fear of conflict is the second dysfunction of a team (the first being an absence of trust). when people are afraid to speak up, conflict never gets resolved. and when conflict isn't resolved, it festers. it grows. and it often divides teams.

how often has something happened in your life where you've held onto this anger and resentment towards another person, only to have that completely dissipate when you understand their persepctive or reasoning? quite often though, we don't even allow the other person an opportunity to explain - we hold onto our perception as though it's fact. as though it's reality. and it's like holding onto poison - you're the one suffering from it, not them.

so how do you go about resolving conflict? if it's something you can't let go of, confront it. but do so in the right way. i recommend a mediator - someone who has an ability to facilitate and remain entirely objective to the conflict at hand. the purpose of this mediator is to ensure both parties not only express their perspectives, but are heard in the process. a mediator is like a translator - they help the other party understand by explaining things in an alternative, non-threatening manner.

when stating your view, use "i feel" statements or "in my perspective" - this insinuates you're taking ownership for your feelings and perspective and is less threatening than the word "you". it also implies that your perspective might not be reality - this openness to seeing things from an alternative viewpoint is imperative if anything is to be resolved. without a willingness to understand, communication becomes superfluous.

lastly, in order for the conflict to be addressed, both parties must first feel safe. choose an environment that is conducive for achieving this and a mediator that is both trusted and respected - someone who will be non-reactive, non-judgemental, and take an active interest in resolving this conflict.

so what conflict have you been avoiding? and how is that continuing to affect your life?

WHAT'S THE POINT?

i'd be naive to think that i wouldn't struggle with motivation. that i wouldn't continually ask myself the question; what's the point? because i am struggling with motivation. and i am wondering, what is the point?

i'm a firm believer that if things aren't happening naturally, perhaps they're not what is meant for you. i've come to this place multiple times with soccer - things never happened for me. no matter how well i was performing, the opportunity never presented itself. and i've been finding that for a while with my writing - no matter how much i believe in the content and in the words i write, it's just not reaching a larger audience. and i'm at a loss for what else to do. how long do you keep persisting when nothing much is changing?

all i've ever wanted is a break - someone to look at the work i'm doing and say hey, i want to work with you. the stuff i've been doing with my training is, i believe, a goldmine. every industry needs what i'm teaching. and yet no one sees it as something worth investing in.

i've always been very convicted of my why - but i've struggled with the how and the what. and i suppose that's what i need help with - practical actions for my abstract ideas. i have the content, but i don't have the audience. i don't have the reach. and i don't have the marketing skills nor knowledge of how to achieve that.

i think it's important to acknowledge when we get stuck. to acknowledge when we want to quit. because that's what's relatable - that's what's real. the path to success is rarely smooth, nor is it always achieved. and rarely do we hear about these obstacles, these existential crises, these moments of "what's the point?". and this is when we need other people; this is when i need you and your help.

so if anyone has any ideas, or knows anyone who might be able to assist in helping me reach more people, i'm all ears (or eyes if it's via a screen). and if there's anyone else who's struggling or feels stuck, how can you acknowledge your humanness and ask for help?

LEADING CAN BE LONELY

people often think leading to be glorious - you're a person people look up to, a person people follow, a person revered and sometimes remembered. but leading isn't always glorious. more often than not, leading can be lonely.

one of the roles of a leader is to do what's right not what's easy. and sometimes that can mean changing systems which many are comfortable and familiar with. change is rarely comfortable. it’s also rarely embraced. so with change often comes resistance. and that resistance is often directed towards the easy target: the leader.

a leader is often responsible for taking more of the blame and less of the credit - much of their work goes unnoticed and unappreciated. they're often responsible for the workings within a team and to ensure harmony is maintained. and this harmony is often established in the discrete conversations away from the team - conversations others don't see, but conversations that are so important to making each member feel seen and valued.

in 2019, i was brought to a WNPL soccer club with the role to assist in professionalising the culture. the problem though was that many of the players at the time were not interested in this vision - their interests were in that of a social culture. so as a new member, i became an easy target. despite following the directions of my coach, players responded with eye rolls, attitude, and harsh words. none of which i felt i could address. and through all of which i wished i had another leader, the most important kind of leader, standing up to support me.

leaders, and new leaders in particular, are often misunderstood. and being misunderstood hurts. it's isolating. leaders generally want what is best for the team - they want the team to get along and achieve results. so the next time you see someone standing up trying to make a difference, can you be a leader and publicly show your support? can you be the person that makes that lone individual feel less alone? can you be the leader we all need?