THE DISHEARTENING NATURE OF INFORMATION

they say knowledge is power, but sometimes knowledge can be disheartening.

we live in a world where information is readily available - we're constantly exposed to the achievements of others, to news in the world, to answers on the internet. but instead of this being empowering, i find that the more we know, the less content we feel.

social media is no longer a platform to merely share your life - it's a platform to share your highlights. how many photos were you deciding upon before you opted for the one you posted? when was the last time you posted a photo of you crying? of you brushing your teeth? of you watching netflix? we don't post these because they seem like insignificant details in our lives that no one else would be interested in. but it's these details, these incidental moments, that occupy the majority of our lives yet they're the moments that are shared the least.

what this does is it fills our brain with inaccurate representations of others' lives. how many times have you had a really amazing day, only to jump online and feel disheartened because someone else's life appears more exciting? or perhaps, like me, you're trying to promote content and are struggling to gain a following. yet you see 'influencers' who post nothing but photos of themselves with thousands of followers. and although you can believe in what you're doing, it doesn't negate how discouraging it is to see others have what you don't; to see their success, but not their struggle.

this can apply to other realms of life too - knowing what other employees or teammates make within your organisation might seem like relevant information to advocate for yourself, but what i've found is that it only serves to fuel bitterness and resentment. when you know something, you can't ignore it; that knowledge occupies your mind. what we don't know, we can't think about. ignorance then, really can be bliss.

so being ignorant or informed, which do you choose?

MY NEED FOR RECOGNITION

is it my need or is it a basic human need? why do we need to feel recognised? aren't we conditioned to believe that internal recognition is more important than external recognition? if that's true, why then does it feel so good when we are finally recognised by others?

humans have a basic natural desire to feel valued. to feel like what they are doing has some form of purpose bigger than themselves. if recognition only comes from within, does that really satiate that drive for a bigger purpose? consciously you can be fully convicted that what you're doing matters, but how long does your conviction last if you feel you're the only one recognising it?

for most of my life, i've felt very overlooked when it comes to different aspects in my life. ever since i was a kid, i had teammates who opted for drugs and alcohol get selected for teams i was busting my arse trying to make. in college, i was overlooked for captaincy because i wasn't "liked" by everyone. and today, i continue to be overlooked. but the question i ask myself is, why do you care? why does it matter whether others recognise your abilities? is it not enough to have conviction of your influence and worth?

i would love to say yes, but that would be betraying what i'm feeling. the truth is, my internal conviction picks me up when i do get knocked back, but it's not enough to make me feel valued. i, and i think it would be fair to say we, need external recognition. we need to feel appreciated. we need to feel valued. and we need things to feel fair.

adam's theory of equity states that if my input is more significant than another's, yet my output is less than theirs, i'm going to feel pretty disgruntled about it. i'm going to start questioning, hang on, why am i doing all of this if Sally over there can do less and still receive more? humans want what is easy; we're literally wired that way - so if someone is doing more but receiving less, i guarantee they won't keep doing more for long.

so what can you do? if you're in a position of power, be sure to keep things fair. recognise your people for their efforts. and not just verbally; offer them that promotion. offer them financial bonuses. offer them that opportunity. advocate for them. humans need praise, they need to feel valued, they need to feel like what they're doing matters. so how can you make someone feel like they matter?

BE FAKE OR BE TRUE?

there's a situation in my life that has been gnawing at me for quite some time. and instead of taking the wisdom from my former posts on conflict resolution, i've chosen to avoid it.

i haven't passively avoided it though - i've actively tried to understand the other person and both their feelings and behaviours. but despite this attempt, i still find myself infuriated by the situation. and i also find myself conflicted: do i choose to be compassionate, showing support and concern for this individual whilst also acting like everything is okay, or do i stay true to my feelings and avoid contacting them?

i feel this situation is compounded because much of what i discuss is about being compassionate, understanding, and loving. but no matter how hard i try, this dominant feeling of anger prevails. so this is where i'll reference doing what you want.

did i want to message this person? no. did i want to be supportive of this person? no. but did i? yes. what ensued was not a feeling of relief for 'being the bigger person' but instead, resentment. resentment because they didn't respond how i wanted them to. resentment because i wasn't being true to how i felt. and resentment because i did what i didn't want to do.

the reality is, sometimes you are going to be angry. sometimes you're going to be bloody pissed off. and instead of trying to suppress those feelings, you have to let yourself feel them. until those feelings run their course, they'll continue to taint every interaction thereafter. forcing yourself to be compassionate before you're ready, before you've felt what you've needed to feel, will not result in relief, but resentment.

i'm all for confronting your feelings - but the other person has to want to listen. has to be open to listen. and if they aren't? nothing you say or confess will change that. so sometimes the best course of action is to just let things run their course. let your feelings run - separation can create the perspective you need to be everything you can't right now. and that's okay.

so when it comes to being fake or being true? i say, be true to you.