• nicole calder

BE FAKE OR BE TRUE?

there's a situation in my life that has been gnawing at me for quite some time. and instead of taking the wisdom from my former posts on conflict resolution, i've chosen to avoid it.


i haven't passively avoided it though - i've actively tried to understand the other person and both their feelings and behaviours. but despite this attempt, i still find myself infuriated by the situation. and i also find myself conflicted: do i choose to be compassionate, showing support and concern for this individual whilst also acting like everything is okay, or do i stay true to my feelings and avoid contacting them?


i feel this situation is compounded because much of what i discuss is about being compassionate, understanding, and loving. but no matter how hard i try, this dominant feeling of anger prevails. so this is where i'll reference doing what you want.


did i want to message this person? no. did i want to be supportive of this person? no. but did i? yes. what ensued was not a feeling of relief for 'being the bigger person' but instead, resentment. resentment because they didn't respond how i wanted them to. resentment because i wasn't being true to how i felt. and resentment because i did what i didn't want to do.


the reality is, sometimes you are going to be angry. sometimes you're going to be bloody pissed off. and instead of trying to suppress those feelings, you have to let yourself feel them. until those feelings run their course, they'll continue to taint every interaction thereafter. forcing yourself to be compassionate before you're ready, before you've felt what you've needed to feel, will not result in relief, but resentment.


i'm all for confronting your feelings - but the other person has to want to listen. has to be open to listen. and if they aren't? nothing you say or confess will change that. so sometimes the best course of action is to just let things run their course. let your feelings run - separation can create the perspective you need to be everything you can't right now. and that's okay.


so when it comes to being fake or being true? i say, be true to you.

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