• nicole calder

SOMETIMES I HATE MYSELF, TOO

over the past couple of months, i've really struggled with who i am. i've lost sight of my values. i've become fixated on things that i didn't think were important to me. i've become someone i didn't like.


the truth is, sometimes i get jealous. sometimes i shut down. sometimes i snap. sometimes i get angry. and i get angry at the people who haven't done anything wrong. this pains me because it goes against everything i believe in regards to being warm and compassionate. but as much as i wish i didn't do these things, i have to accept that part of being human means there might be times when you're not the person you want to be.


this is not from a lack of will - i can't think of anyone who would consciously choose to be someone they hated. it's usually because there are things in their way, environments that are unserving, or unresolved feelings perhaps, that are preventing that individual from thriving.


so as shit as these feelings are, they're necessary. necessary because they remind us that we're human. remind us of what's important. and remind us that we will always have room for improvement.


so the next time you find yourself slipping into someone you don't like, take a moment to reflect - to ask yourself what's really going on. what's really upsetting you. anger is not a feeling to be feared, it's a feeling to be used to fight for a better world. what angers us is what fuels us. find the source of that anger and use it to become a better version of you.

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