• nicole calder

IF NOT YOU, THEN WHO?

how many times have you met someone and thought, holy shit, they're crazy? and because of that, you've decided they're too much. being friends with them, or lovers with them, is too hard. too toxic. too consuming.


in a former post i mentioned that people become 'crazy' when their needs aren't met. people act out. i know this not only because i've witnessed it, but because i too have been guilty of acting out when my needs weren't met. but imagine if every time you acted out, someone decided you were too much to deal with. too 'crazy'. and they left you. how then would you ever feel worthy? loved? secure?


the truth is, you wouldn't. and those behaviours would not only be reinforced, but strengthened. many of us act out because we don't think we're worthy of being loved - we create situations which validate these beliefs. we push people away to confirm the belief that we are indeed unlovable. but what if someone didn't leave? what if instead, they committed to sitting with you through that? what if instead of punishing you, they accepted you. validated you. loved you. where then might someone be?


all it takes is one person. one person that accepts them. that shows them they are worthy of being loved. that they are accepted as they are. one person to transform them. and if it's not you, then who will it be? so how can you be this person? how can you be the difference in that person's life?

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