Updated: Jan 23
break ups can be excruciating because they feel like a rejection of the self. how do you navigate such a difficult time whilst maintaining a sense of dignity? here are some tips to guide you.
1. listen. what does the other person want? are they open to working things out? if no, respect their boundaries. if yes, can you clearly identify the problems within your relationship and a path to rectify them?
2. lean on your friends and family. when things end, you'll go through a drug withdrawal. although being alone can help with learning more about yourself, often it's too painful right after a break up. keep yourself busy - text friends, see family, join a dating app for dopamine and validation, if you need.
3. identify what it is about the person you were drawn to. what attributes make them, them? focus on these rather than the person because chances are there'll be others who possess similar qualities.
4. grieve. give yourself permission to grieve not only your relationship and the memories you created with them, but also grieve the person you were with them. after one of my break ups i started a document titled, "everything you wish you could say but can't." this allowed me to express everything i was feeling in a non-judgemental, non-harming, and liberating manner.
5. deactivate socials. technology, in particular social media, can serve as a reminder of what you had but no longer do. deactivating social media removes the temptation to 'check up' on them and allows you a chance to heal. every time you see them, or their profile, it reopens those wounds and inhibits your ability to heal and move on.
6. practice compassion. i've found that trying to understand the other person helps me have compassion towards them and accept whatever has happened. they didn't do this to you, they're doing this for themselves and what makes them happy.
remember, the end of a relationship can take time to heal from. be patient. allow yourself to feel what you need to feel and give yourself the best opportunity to move on by following the above mentioned tips.