The most underrated form of leadership

Is a leader a leader if no one follows them? I remember being posed this question in a social psychology class many years ago and I’ve never forgotten it. Why? Because the purpose of a leader, as many of us recognise, is to lead. And we often associate leading with leading people. But what happens if you don’t have anyone that follows you? Does that mean you’re not a leader?

When I attempt to answer that latter question, my gut clenches and my chest becomes defensive, Of course you can still be a leader if no one follows! my mind replies. Perhaps you’re just not in an environment that is compatible with your type of leadership, I rationalise. But is that true? Why is it so hard to lead in an organisation? Isn’t it the purpose of a “good leader” to adjust their leadership style to the company, to the culture, to ensure that they find a way to influence where they are with what they have?

What makes a leader, a leader? If it is for the aforementioned reason, to lead, what then must a leader have? Nothing inherent to their personality, rather something external. All leaders need a first follower. It’s this first follower that transforms an individual stranger into a leader. The TedTalk video I've attached at the end of this post, How to Start a Movement by Derek Sivers, elegantly explains this concept. What this world needs then, is not more leaders as defined by our conventional thinking, but leaders in the form of first followers. This, I believe, is the most underrated form of leadership but the most important form.

When it comes to the personalities of conventional leaders, some might believe them to be outspoken. They’re the individuals on teams and in workplaces that aren’t afraid to voice their concerns, the ones that do what’s in the best interest of their people to instigate change within an organisation, change that will continue moving the organisation forward. Often though, these leaders do so alone.

Leadership can be lonely. But it’s lonely because I don’t think we’re creating enough first followers – we don’t encourage or reinforce this sort of leadership. When you think of a leader, what image comes to mind? It’s usually someone who stands up alone to give a speech of some sort – the captain of a team, the boss of a company, or the prime minister of a nation. But what do all of these individuals need? Followers.

During my time in the States, my leadership skills were continually challenged. Much like I do now, I was intentional with checking in on my teammates to see how they were doing. I listened to their concerns and I wasn’t afraid to voice them. But what I found was, whenever I voiced them, I did so alone. Not one person ever supported what I was saying in a team setting, even though I was bringing up the issues they had raised. Why? Probably because they were afraid. They knew my coach was likely to hold it against them if they spoke their mind – he feared strength. So the team in turn, feared speaking up. Why didn’t I fear him? Either because I was naïve, or because I truly believed in what I was standing up for. I believed in change. And I believed in the power of the people to make that change. The problem was, I was alone. And one person can’t achieve very much alone.

I don’t feel my leadership style has differed much from my time at KSU, but what has changed, is the people around me. Last year when I first came to Salisbury Inter, I was seemingly immediately valued and respected. How was that possible? I spent four years investing my heart and soul into a team, KSU, and I never once felt valued nor respected. So what was different at Salisbury? It started with the coach – she was my first follower. She made positive examples of my work ethic, my encouragement, and my leadership within the first training session. Something which I have done most of my life, but which had never been recognised. Not only that, but she trusted me. I asked for a team meeting and she asked no questions. In the US, I was denied on multiple occasions the opportunity to have a meeting because it wasn’t deemed “necessary” and because I didn’t first ask the necessary people. Apparently only captains who were liked by everyone could be leaders.

The only way we are going to see more of what we want in this world is if we all individually and collectively stand up for what we believe to be right. Rather than being passive, we need to be active in the things we want to change. Silent support is as good as no support, because no one knows about it. So if someone has an idea or says something which you agree with, show them. Be active. Make a stand. Because until one person stands next to that individual, that individual will go through their life believing they are all alone. Believing they aren’t a leader. Believing they aren’t making a difference or having an influence. And potentially believing there is something innately wrong with them.

If we want change to happen, we have to be the change. We have to be courageous. We have to choose to stand for something or we risk falling for anything. You don’t have to be the voice of change, but you can be a voice purely by choosing to follow. And that, I believe, is the most important form of leadership. Being a leader by being a first follower. So what do you say, who are you choosing to follow?

ARE YOU HELPING OR HURTING?

on my way to work yesterday, i passed a galah that was unable to fly. growing up being a vet’s daughter, i naturally stopped, wrapped it in a towel, and took it to see my dad. i thought i was helping the little guy. after a quick consultation, my dad concluded that the bird’s breastbone was emaciated from old age - there was nothing he could do but to put it down.

so here i was, dumbfounded. i thought i was helping the bird. but i potentially ended its life before its time. sure, some might say that was the “humane” thing to do, but how do we know? how do we know that little bird wasn’t content living its perfect little bird life?

the point is, regardless of our intentions, we never know if our actions are actually helping someone or hurting someone. and often we won’t know for a long time. we might think giving money to an addicted sibling is “helping” them, but it actually might be hurting them. our intentions might be pure, but our actions might be harmful. and unfortunately, there’s no way to know which it’ll be, helpful or harmful, until hindsight.

sometimes though when we offer help, we do so from a position of arrogance - a position that we know what is best for the individual. but the reality is, no one really knows what’s best for them. it’s hard then to be completely reassured in the altruism of our actions - so, what then, do we do? do we stop our car to help the wounded animal, or do we proceed in ignorance, allowing mother nature to take its course?

i suppose it comes down to a choice: do we want to be known for what we chose to do, or for what we chose not to do?

Coaching philosophy 2.0

What is my coaching philosophy all about? The same thing that my life is all about: people. Specifically though, establishing connections and building relationships. Players that play for me are people first, players second. I understand that playing soccer is not something that people can do forever; it’s temporary. Being human though, is permanent. With that in mind, I am devoted to developing better people, not just better soccer players. My coaching will be on developing the individual as a whole, offering them lessons that can be applied to realms outside of the sporting world. Life lessons, if you will.

In order to establish any relationship, trust is paramount. And trust is founded only after safety has been established. And safety is established through a state of non-reaction and non-judgement whilst also taking an active interest in the individual’s life by frequently checking in on them. The environment I will establish on my teams will be one in which individuals feel safe to make mistakes, they feel safe to challenge, question, and confront, and they feel safe to be completely and utterly themselves. In order to help achieve the latter of those statements, I vouch to present myself as humanly human as possible. I will admit my mistakes. I will admit my imperfections. And I will admit my limitations.

Given that I am imperfect and I am not an expert at all things pertaining to soccer, I intend to surround myself around others whom are experts. When these resources are not available however, I will be open to the suggestions of others. I believe in diversifying one’s thinking – ten minds trying to solve a problem is better than one.

I will have favourites. And I will treat all my players differently. Why? Because they are all different and require different things. I might not be able to connect with every player, but I intend to create an environment in which a player feels connected to others, be it teammates or other support staff. Ideally I want to create an environment in which the players become their own coaches, in which players adopt similar philosophies and a similar level of care and concern for one another as what I do for them.

As a coach, I’m not looking for the best player. I’m looking for the player that makes all the other players better. I’m looking for the best teammate, on and off the field. These are the players that determine the culture. I believe the bench players are the most important people on a team, why? Because their attitude determines how united a team is. And their work ethic determines how hard the starting players work. I believe then, in a lateral hierarchy rather than a vertical one. Despite a player’s position on the team, their voice is just as valuable as that of their peers.

I am not taken by glory players, I’m taken by the sacrificial players. The players who make their teammate’s lives easier, whether that’s by dropping an extra 2-3 metres under the ball, making that recovery run to cover a teammate, or communicating – these sacrificial acts are the one percenters that often determine the cohesion within a team. As does the way and manner in which players communicate, on and off the field.

I will not micro-manage nor micro-coach. I believe that all individuals are competent at making their own decisions and I encourage them to be creative, to improvise, and to solve their own problems. I will challenge them with questions, asking them to critically think about their own game and that of the team’s. In essence, I will equip them with the skills to become their own coaches.

I am aware that performance and results are never within anyone’s control. Because of that, I will focus on the process rather than results, and I will focus on the three things that players can control: their attitude, work ethic, and body language. I have always believed that a strong culture will enable a team to experience enduring, predictable success, rather than falling victim to the unpredictability of the regression to the mean. I will also understand that an exceptional performance will be followed by an average performance, for no other reason than statistical normality. It is thus, my role as a coach to improve both an individual’s average performance and the average performance of the team.

I believe that the litmus test of a good coach is, did the players improve? (Performance-based). Do the players want to play for you again next season? (Retention). And how motivated are they to keep playing soccer? (Inspired). Sometimes all a player needs is for a coach to believe in them. A coach’s belief in a player has the ability to completely transform their performance. Often times individuals do not lack significant components within their game, rather they lack psychological components in the form of safety, love and belongingness, value, and belief. And these are the components that will receive the majority of my focus.

Although youth players will be the future of the club, the knowledge of experienced players is invaluable. As such, my team will have a balance between the two. Young players bring with them a zest, a passion, an excitement for the game which can often invigorate those older players who are tired and physically hindered. Experienced players though, offer knowledge which can fast-track a younger player’s development. Because of the differences, I will not coach these players the same, nor will the expectations be the same. But this goes for all players in all positions – the needs of a central defender are not the same as those for a central striker and as such, I hope to individualise trainings to these needs where possible.

As a coach, I will tend to focus on strengthening an individual’s strengths rather than their weaknesses. It is individuals’ strengths that make them unique – working on their weaknesses will only make them average. I hope that I have the open-mindedness to oversee an individual’s weakness if their strength is invaluable to the team. For example, if an individual lacks speed or athleticism, I will look for their cognitive efficiency and ability to anticipate play before making an assessment on their ability. Performance then, will be measured by impact and presence, not by arbitrary physical measures.

I do not believe in having a fine system as doing so undermines the most important ingredient on a team: trust. I believe in looking out for teammates – I want to encourage players to pack an extra pair of shin pads or socks or whatever it is in case one of their teammates accidentally forgets. Mistakes happen. It’s a part of being human. Why punish individuals for being human, when instead we can build a stronger culture by having their backs in the same way we would on the field?

When it comes to youth players, I do not believe in specialisation of positions. I also encourage older players to play positions they have not before played as this gives them an insight and appreciation for what is required of that position. A striker playing defence will learn what a defender hates and can hence, focus on developing that aspect of their game. I also think it’s imperative players of all positions learn basic defensive skills. Defence wins championships. But this is not limited to the back four and goalkeeper. It is the entire team’s defensive efforts. Again, a championship is won from the sacrificial acts of all players, the one percenters that make each teammate’s life a little easier.

The most important advice I can offer any player is the idea of deliberate practice. Individuals will see their most significant growth when the stands are empty – when they are training by themselves. Individual training offers something team trainings cannot – complete and utter focus with the beauty of repetition. It is in these moments where players will achieve significant milestones in their development – learning to juggle, striking a ball, dribbling at pace etc. This idea can also be applied to watching film. Instead of watching for the sake of watching, be intentional about what you’re focusing on – watch a player’s movement; watch what they do when they receive the ball, when they pass the ball, when they don’t have the ball. Being intentional adds purpose and gives meaning to seemingly meaningless tasks.

Having said all of this, I understand that soccer isn’t everything. Neither is winning and losing. But making a difference? That is everything. I hope then to keep this perspective in times of stress and adversity, and to understand when life happens and players need appropriate breaks or extra support. I want to be a role model for these players. I want to be someone they can relate to. Someone who makes them feel less alone by presenting myself as humanly human as possible. I understand the inevitable vicissitudes that occur in life and I hope that through my patience, openness, and vulnerability I can make some of those lower moments a little less low.