SO, WHAT DO YOU DO?

our culture is centred around 'what' we do rather than 'who' we are. how many times have you been asked 'so, who are you? what kind of person are you?' if you’re like most people, then the answer is probably not many times. instead, we often get asked, 'so, what do you do?' even entry forms into Australia require you to state your occupation - why is this information relevant?

am i the only person who feels overwhelmed by that question? or who doesn't know how to answer it? since quitting my 'paid' job earlier this year, i've struggled with answering that question. what do i do for work? well, not much. but i feel i do a lot. but the problem is, it's a lot of unconventional, unstructured work. so who am i? am i a public speaker? a writer? a facilitator? a soccer player? what is my identity? it makes me feel uneasy when i get asked that question because my answer isn't straight forward - it requires explanation. but do people really care? do they really want to know? why do i feel uneasy talking about something i feel so passionately about? is it because we're only asked what our 'occupation' is; singular? as though we only have one thing we're good at - only one purpose? humans are more complex than how we've been conditioned to both ask and answer questions. a conditioning that is both limiting and futile. a conditioning that can make individuals feel inadequate because they're being judged on a singular component when the reality is, we are multi-faceted creatures.

so how do we overcome this? start asking expanding questions - questions that require reflection and explanation. questions like, what brings you joy? what makes you angry? what's your favourite part about the work you do? you'll learn more about someone by asking these questions compared to 'what do you do?'

WHAT IS LOVE?

i've been reflecting a little bit on partnerships and what love is / what you want / need from a partner. i think about my own relationship - what else could a person possibly want/need? i have safety, patience, understanding, warmth, connection, and acceptance. that to me is love. love isn't the sex; that's an expression of intimacy, but a small one. intimacy is in friendship. in all the moments sharing your life with that other person.

i compare love to how i treat my water bottle. it leaks, but it still works. it's been like that since i got it. instead of getting a new one, getting rid of it, or fixing it, i've accepted it. and i've adjusted my life to accommodate its flaws. i just make sure i leave it upright and not with papers it can ruin. despite taking these measures, does the water bottle still occasionally ruin papers or books? absolutely. because it's in the water bottle's nature to leak; but it's not it's fault.

love isn't about fixing someone. love is about accepting, adjusting, and accommodating to another's needs. it's about learning what someone needs to 'function' and providing an environment in which that person can still flourish, despite their leaky flaws.

THE POWER IN MUSIC

there’s a beauty in music that cannot be shared through other forms of media. music is transformative; it takes you back to a moment in your life, to an emotion, to a memory, to an experience, to a person. it does this in a way that photographs do not. pictures capture a moment, but the experience is limited to what you see. music, however, is expansive. it’s associated with what you feel.

there are some songs that have been so heavily associated with poignant memories in my life that as soon as i hear them, it evokes an uncontrollable array of emotions. an array of emotions that transports me back to the moment the song was first imprinted in my mind. sleeping sickness by city and colour is one of those songs. it’s the song i listened to on repeat in 2015 when i was broken. “someone come and someone come and save my life,” - a lyric i cried to. screamed to. hoped to. this was the darkest period of my life and it was in these words from dallas green that i found hope. that i felt understood.

a similar feeling was experienced to pink’s the great escape. “because the passion and pain are going to keep you alive someday.” during the same period of my life, i was hurting, a lot. death felt near. the great escape desirable. but pink’s lyrics offered solace. it offered a light at the end of the tunnel. meaning to my suffering. as much pain as i was in, it meant i was alive. and to experience great highs, one must experience great lows. my passion is my high, my pain my low. pink captured the essence of this feeling.

songs aren’t always associated with pain, sometimes they can be associated with love. as i write this, i’m currently listening to “yellow” on repeat by emmit fenn. a song that transports me back to early june, 2021. this was the time when i first discovered i had feelings for my now partner. that i loved my now partner. and it was this song that helped me realise that. it was this song i played on repeat the night i picked her up from a party and asked her if she had ever thought about me as more than a friend (her reply: yeah, as a best friend!). listening to this song now, i’m reminded of those feelings. i’m reminded of the deep love, admiration, and appreciation i had for her as a person. the feelings i still have. “your skin, oh yeah your skin and bones. turns into, something beautiful. for you, i’d bleed myself dry. you know i love you so."

when you connect with someone over music, you’re connecting with them over more than just words. you’re connecting with them over feelings. and it’s this power in music that i find so beautiful. so when someone shares a song with you, they’re sharing more than just a good beat; they’re sharing a memory. a feeling. they’re sharing a part of who they are.

so what’s a song that has significantly influenced your life?